Building an Attractive Mindset
My ex-boss gave me a monologue to practice with, for a door-to-door salesman job I recently had, that stated the opening information I was to give to a potential customer when knocking on his or her door. I later realized that merely reciting the monologue wasn’t going to cause a sale but having enough knowledge on the product or service to have a consistent dialogue and being able to answer any questions would. It’s all about the dialogue. Monologues are just a good way to get you started.
Polarization
In order to have a great, attractive, and engaging conversation with someone, you need to become polarized to your information or else it will seem like you are reciting a scripted routine. However, there is nothing wrong with pre-planning what you want to say or talk about. The only time I use a pre-scripted routine in sales or general conversation is if I can get emotionally charged to it. One of the routines I used in conversation when learning how to be more social was, “In a relationship, what counts as cheating? Simply looking at someone else, flirting, or having sexual intercourse?” I grew up in a Christian home and the teachings of Jesus were really important to our family. Jesus said, “If you lust after a woman, you’ve already committed adultery with her in your mind.” Because of that, I grew up with standards on cheating and lust which were dangerously high. It was a lifestyle that gave me superfluous guilt I didn’t need. Humans do lust after each other no matter how great their relationships are going; however, a simple thought isn’t going to damage a relationship. Why inflict guilt and pain over a crime that was never even committed? That is why this is a very polarizing issue for me, as you can tell. When you’re thinking about topics to talk about or topics to sell to people, it’s important to emotionally polarize to it. That doesn’t mean you become an extremist or a fringe person that barely anybody could possibly agree with, but someone who feels strongly about what s/he thinks. Polarizing on an issue means that it affects your worldview. It’s so strong that you want to share it with others and attract others to you, but on the flipside you might end up repelling some people as well, kind of like a magnet would. Congruence is finally achieved when you polarize to your beliefs about reality.
When you become strongly polarized, you can attract the people that you want and repel those you don’t want. When the focus goes from being self-conscious to getting your message across no matter what, you generally become a more attractive person because self-consciousness only leaves a socially awkward vibe.
Fear vs. Love
Are you doing what you’re currently doing because of fear or because you really love to do it? Are you at a 9-5 job because you love it or because you’re afraid of suggesting a change in shift to your boss? This concept has to do with the context behind your actions. People who are polarized to fear might take the same actions as the ones polarized to love, but the reasoning behind their actions is completely different.
When you love what you’re doing, that energy will be felt in the room, and you’ll make others feel good, if not you’re only poisoning the emotional workspace in your area.
Tags: attraction, attractive, fear vs. love, polarization
