Gerry Cueto

My ex-boss gave me a monologue to practice with, for a door-to-door salesman job I recently had, that stated the opening information I was to give to a potential customer when knocking on his or her door. I later realized that merely reciting the monologue wasn’t going to cause a sale but having enough knowledge on the product or service to have a consistent dialogue and being able to answer any questions would. It’s all about the dialogue. Monologues are just a good way to get you started.

Polarization

In order to have a great, attractive, and engaging conversation with someone, you need to become polarized to your information or else it will seem like you are reciting a scripted routine. However, there is nothing wrong with pre-planning what you want to say or talk about. The only time I use a pre-scripted routine in sales or general conversation is if I can get emotionally charged to it. One of the routines I used in conversation when learning how to be more social was, “In a relationship, what counts as cheating? Simply looking at someone else, flirting, or having sexual intercourse?” I grew up in a Christian home and the teachings of Jesus were really important to our family. Jesus said, “If you lust after a woman, you’ve already committed adultery with her in your mind.” Because of that, I grew up with standards on cheating and lust which were dangerously high. It was a lifestyle that gave me superfluous guilt I didn’t need. Humans do lust after each other no matter how great their relationships are going; however, a simple thought isn’t going to damage a relationship. Why inflict guilt and pain over a crime that was never even committed? That is why this is a very polarizing issue for me, as you can tell. When you’re thinking about topics to talk about or topics to sell to people, it’s important to emotionally polarize to it. That doesn’t mean you become an extremist or a fringe person that barely anybody could possibly agree with, but someone who feels strongly about what s/he thinks. Polarizing on an issue means that it affects your worldview. It’s so strong that you want to share it with others and attract others to you, but on the flipside you might end up repelling some people as well, kind of like a magnet would. Congruence is finally achieved when you polarize to your beliefs about reality.

When you become strongly polarized, you can attract the people that you want and repel those you don’t want. When the focus goes from being self-conscious to getting your message across no matter what, you generally become a more attractive person because self-consciousness only leaves a socially awkward vibe.

Fear vs. Love

Are you doing what you’re currently doing because of fear or because you really love to do it? Are you at a 9-5 job because you love it or because you’re afraid of suggesting a change in shift to your boss? This concept has to do with the context behind your actions. People who are polarized to fear might take the same actions as the ones polarized to love, but the reasoning behind their actions is completely different.

When you love what you’re doing, that energy will be felt in the room, and you’ll make others feel good, if not you’re only poisoning the emotional workspace in your area.

So we all know generic stuff doesn’t sell. I’ve made a lot of generic music and all it made me was some lunch money. My biggest tracks were those that filled a niche most other tracks weren’t doing. Then I realized that music wasn’t something I could be my best self in. I became known among my peers as the encouraging motivational guy. What are some of the components of standing out in the crowd?

Emotional value is more valuable than technical refinery

In the gaming industry, game play and entertainment value is more important than design. Consider some of the greatest games in history… The Super Mario Brothers… a simple side-scrolling game that’s extremely fun. Look at Pong… a design 0, but it is still played regularly today.

In music, there are a lot of well-produced tracks, very crisp and cleaning sounding, but that’s not what makes them a hit. What makes them hits are if people can relate to them and if they are catchy and original. Take Soulja Boy for example, the demo version of “Crank Dat” sounds horrible but it’s highly shared and posted on youtube regardless of the poor sound quality.

Don’t let the fine details stop you from doing what you want to do. If you’re giving a speech, focus on getting your material across first then correct the poor body language and voice tones later on. If your speech is great, most people won’t notice those things.

Obviously this concept doesn’t apply in all industries. If you go to a doctor for surgery you want to make sure his or her technical refinery is higher priority than making you feel good.

Be you

I was at a local bookstore’s self improvement section with my girlfriend a few weeks ago, and after reading a lot of the books, they all started to sound the same… “Smile when you meet someone new.” “Give a firm handshake.” There is a great reward in being you. When you speak from experience, you’re able to connect with people. It’s like a paradox of being rare but common at the same time. Your story might be rare, but another person may have had a similar experience which is in common with yours. Maybe there is also a taboo that most people don’t like to talk about, but you do, and that’s what makes you attractive.

Be timeless

The book “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie is a prime example of a timeless product. It was written in 1936, but its advice on social skills can apply to any period in history.

Love your competitors

Competition can be looked at whatever angle you want. It doesn’t have to be fierce. Your competition can be viewed as your helpers. They reinvented the wheel for you and all you have to do is put your idea on it to improve theirs.

Do what you love, yet practice self-discipline

What might be hard for one person might be easy as pie for another. Physics might be hard for some people. Some people believe they can do physics with their eyes closed.

If something is hard for you, you can train your mind to make it seem easy. My favorite exercise is to list all my excuses for why I don’t want to do something. Then write a list of solutions for each excuse, then I box in the one that I intuitively feel is the best. Any type of solution can work. It can be a semantic solution like “keep trying.” It can be a practical solution that tells you exactly what you need to do. It’s like mental weight training. Once you pass a certain amount of weight, the amount you felt was difficult is now easy.